Hope for the Caregiver

Friendly Fire and the Family Caregiver

During one of our many visits to Walter Reed Army Medical Center to meet with wounded warriors, we met a bitter young soldier struggling with wounds he received from friendly fire.  In a terrible mistake, he suffered injuries from his own country’s military.

As my wife, Gracie, walked over to greet him, he rudely snapped at her. Lying on his back while working out on a physical therapy table, he could only see Gracie from the waist up. This young man had no idea of her seventy plus operations, or the loss of both of her own legs.  The physical therapist working with him looked embarrassed, and quickly tried to cover for Gracie by telling the young man that she was welcome there–and had a lot of practical advice worth hearing. 

Disbelieving the therapist, he snarled back hatefully. Momentarily stunned, she regained her composure, and, while holding on to a railing, propped her right prosthetic leg near where his head rested on the low workout table.

He not only noticed her state-of-the-art metal leg beside him (encased in a beautiful shoe, I might add), but his eyes turned to watch her balancing on her other artificial leg, as well. 

“You’re not the only amputee in here, big guy.” Gracie said, while looking him squarely in the eye. 

The soldier in him quietly nodded at her, and he didn’t say anything else. 

Ten feet away, I listened to a man who, although he lost both legs, cracked jokes with a contagious sense of humor. His face clouded over, however, when I pointedly asked him how things were back home. 

Looking down at his new prosthetic legs, he whispered out, “My marriage is on the rocks, and it doesn’t look good.”

The loss of his legs didn’t keep him from joking, but the wounds of his heart silenced the laughter.

Friendly fire.

I asked another mother in the PT room if her son’s father had been up to the hospital. Looking over at her son’s newly amputated left leg, as well as the halo device holding the pins piercing his right leg, her jaw tightened as she flatly said, “He left years ago, and good riddance.”

Friendly fire.

How many of us deal with deep wounds caused by those closest to us? How many of us have caused damage to the ones we love and swore to protect? Sometimes “friendly fire” wounds are compounded with the shame of the wound itself—we feel our wounds come with dishonor, and our fists clench with a rage that wants to choke the one(s) who hurt us.  Other times, we realize with horror how poorly we treated those counting on us, and the guilt and shame fill us with despair.

It’s easy to recall those things that cause hot tears to pour out of our eyes—the things driving us to lash out at the ones who hit us with “friendly fire.” In our pain, we might even strike at people who are simply trying to encourage us. 

Gracie propped an artificial limb on a physical therapy table to help a hurting young man gain perspective and, hopefully, see that he can move past this horrific life-altering injury. 

Christ is the wounded warrior who presents His own wounds, not only to communicate perspective, but also demonstrate His love for each of us.  He didn’t just prop a metal leg on the table; He laid down His life and was Himself wounded—for our sins. His wounds made it possible for ours to be healed. He never clenched His fists, but rather stretched out his hands and received the nails.

When we look at our wounds, even those inflicted by our loved ones …or even self-inflicted, it’s all too easy to despair.  But when we lift our eyes to look at HIS wounds, we are strengthened to know that HE redeemed our souls—and is redeeming our wounds. 

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

 

 

Sponsored by STANDING WITH HOPE

Medicare for All Y'all?!

A lot of candidates running for President advocate "Medicare for All" as part of their platform. While Medicare itself is a decent program, I spend a little time discussing the realities of dealing with Medicare ...from a customer service standpoint. 

Gracie and I both had to call Medicare for a significant issue. Getting bounced around from department to department, we logged over four hours on the phone one day, and another 90 minutes the next.  

It's still not resolved as of this posting (with another 4 hours logged). 

Imagine your best day at the DMV.  That's what happens when government is the only game in town. You simply have no competition ...no incentive...to provide better service. 

At some point in the customer service path, someone has to say, "We can build a better mousetrap!" 

When listening to the candidates speaking, it sounds like overhearing a meeting in the teacher's lounge, "Here's what I think we ought to do ..." 

It would be helpful for these candidates to share their own personal (and credible) experience in dealing with the healthcare system. Experience is always better than opinion. 

Also on this episode, we played a new song from Gracie's upcoming CD titled Resilient.  I also shared a few "Gracie-isms" and how Gracie nearly broke Amazon's Alexa ...at the source!!

In addition we shared our "Caregiver Tip of the Day," and of course, we also had my sidekick, The Count of Mighty Disco - John Butler!!!

A jammed pack show, demonstrating why Hope for the Caregiver is the #1 broadcast show for family caregivers! 

"Don't Pass the Snowplow!"

Yes ...I know it feels like the snowplow driver is listening to Lawrence Welk while we listen to Led Zepplin, but in winter weather, the safest place is often the place where you feel it's going maddeningly slow. 

That also applies to our journey as caregivers. 

We find that we must move at a pace we can't control...and, just like trying to pass a snowplow, we run the risk of getting hurt if we try to circumvent. 

A friend once told me, "Families move at the speed of their slowest members."   When serving as a caregiver the "pace car" dictates how fast we're going to go. We're going to get there ...when we get there. Beating on our steering wheel, swearing, and/or spazzing out isn't going to make it better or faster, but it will cause unnecessary tension ...that robs us of living a calmer, healthier, and even safer life.

• Sometimes, the snowplow is a chronic illness that progresses.
• Sometimes, it's a special needs child that moves at his/her pace.
• Sometimes it's someone with a addiction that struggles in their recovery program.
• Sometimes it's grief that takes whatever time it needs to process it out.

In my 30+ years, I've discovered the pace set for me is simply living in the moment ...one day at a time. 

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34

 

Listen to the callers share their stories, as well. Also, of course, joining the show is himself ...my sidekick, John Butler (The Count of Mighty Disco)

"Don't pass the snowplow is our "Caregiver Tip of the Day" for this show.  Hope for the Caregiver is LIVE on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel (131) at 6PM Eastern.  

Brought to you by: 

 

"Hello, my name is ...?" Caregivers and the loss of identity

One of the hardest challenges for caregivers (and Landmine #4 from 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Avoid Them), we address the loss of identity. 

Many caregivers struggle to speak in first person singular when asked about their feelings, heart, and condition.  One of the main reasons I do the show, is to help my fellow caregivers learn to rediscover (or possibly find) their own voices. 

We also took calls, and dealt with some challenging issues. From drug addiction that traumatized a family to the transgender issue, we tackled topics from today headlines ...that our crippling families. 

Sponsored by STANDING WITH HOPE

 

 

Mother Overwhelmed and Discouraged About Disabled, Alcoholic Daughter

Caller shared her discouraged about her daughter who suffered a stroke following an attack, and is now disabled ...but has also turned to alcohol. 

It's difficult to watch loved one suffer. Watching them do so while addicted to alcohol and/or alcohol crushes the stoutest of caregiver hearts. This mother and I chatted for a bit on what her role is and isn't ...and what she can do and can't.

Sometimes, as caregivers, we must give firm boundaries ...but turn away to not show the hot tears that fill our eyes. 

Yet, there is a path to safety for caregivers of addicts/alcoholics.  We talked about it on this call. 

Hope for the Caregiver is Brought to You By: 

Standing With Hope

 

Advice from Moses' Father-in-Law That Can Help With Landmine #7

Moses, yes ...THAT Moses ...had a smart father-in-law (Jethro) who pulled the prophet aside and gave him sound wisdom that can apply to family caregivers. In my book, 7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them, Landmine #7 is "...thinking that it's all up to you!"

Read what Jethro told Moses. 

"Moses' father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone."  Exodus 18:17-18

This theme, plus calls rounds out our 10/19/2019 show.

Brought to you by Standing With Hope

"It's Cool to Fly!" American Airlines Program Helping Kids With Autism (and their families!)

Bruce Sickler, team manager for American Airlines "It's Cool to Fly" Program called our show to discuss this groundbreaking program with us. For further information, contact bruce.sickler@AA.com directly. 

"You're caring for people on life's journey." - Bruce Sickler 

 

From American Airlines:

To many flyers, the airport experience is a routine part of life. Check-in, security, gate areas and jet bridges are features of a second home. Customers buckle in, the plane pushes back and with a nudge of the throttles, two engines begin to roar. The plane taxis down the ramp and onto the active taxiway in preparation for takeoff.

With each of those experiences comes sensory inputs that we might take for granted — sights and sounds like crowds, intercom announcements, lights, screens, safety demonstrations and more. But to a child with autism, and to that child’s family, any of these things can instantly create fear, anxiety or discomfort and become a challenge that, in the moment, feels insurmountable.

For the last five years, American Airlines team members across the country have partnered with local organizations and airport colleagues to make the process less of a mystery, helping these children and their families know what to expect from their air travel experience and bringing greater inclusion, awareness and understanding to those on the autism spectrum. And they’ve had one unified message: It’s Cool to Fly American (ICTFA).

ICTFA is essentially a mock travel experience. Kids and their families concerned about the hustle and bustle of air travel are able to experience nearly every aspect of it without actually taking off. They park, check-in, wait at the gate, board, taxi, return to the gate and retrieve their luggage. The experience lasts about 3 1/2 hours.

Since its inception in 2014, ICTFA has served more than 5,000 participants and 1,500 families.

BOOKS and MUSIC from Peter Rosenberger