Hope for the Caregiver

Gratitude is the Antidote to The Poison of Resentment

Our special Thanksgiving program and also a special monologue regarding my op-ed in the Washington Times. See Text Below. 

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Peter Rosenberger

HopefortheCaregiver.com 

Resentment can lead even the best of hearts into poor judgment, malice, and even self-destruction. While life provides ample opportunities to hold a grudge, the resistance to do so remains a triumph of the human soul. Sadly, that triumph can be elusive - and seems to be the plight of the 45th President. From barbed comments against those in his party and the pulpit-pounding of outrage, Trump's resentment oozes through each insult since the 2020 election (and prior). Although an honest media and objective law enforcement might possibly prove his election misconduct claims, Trump's well-being remains in his hands – not theirs.

In the play, The Mourning Bride (1697), William Congreve penned the immortal phrase, "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." Clearly, Congreve had yet to meet a spurned politician while writing that line.  

Artists possess a rare gift that turns personal misery into gold. People such as Sam Kinison, Denis Leary, Lewis Black, and others proved that with solid material, rancor and bitterness could even launch stellar comedy careers. With politicians, however, the audience needs more. Wit, comedy, and talent help, but the oratory must primarily raise – not descend to vindictiveness.

Outrage motivates but fails to inspire. 

Although living with quadriplegia for more than 55 years, Joni Eareckson Tada states, "Life becomes inspiring, not in spite of the problems and the hard hits, but because of them."

The ability to see beyond the injuries and even injustices elevates one to greatness.

Trump's accomplishments will speak for generations – maybe further. His policies of America first, a secure border, firm boundaries with trade partners and economic growth for the American people created a prosperous and healthy America in record time. Those things deserve recognition and should echo through the corridors of time. 

Due largely to Trump, the Supreme Court finally rectified a national disgrace and reversed Roe vs. Wade. While the political capital spent proved costly in the midterm elections, what better way to expend that capital than promoting life? These accomplishments and more serve as towering achievements for Trump that eclipse many other Presidents. All of these things and more certainly qualify him for another term.

Yet, while wrecking balls are essential in tearing down the dilapidated, they make poor tools to erect new construction.  Can Trump pivot to a “kinder, gentler” candidate? Should he?

Despite exposing the media's bias and the extensive dysfunction in Washington DC, the transition to uniter has remain outside Trump's grasp. Relentless fighting on multiple fronts allows little time for building - and turning adversaries into allies requires a graciousness that is rare with the bloody sword of warfare.

As the nation enters this uniquely American holiday of Thanksgiving, President Trump would not only serve himself, the country, and even the world better by using his unique platform to promote personal and national gratitude – to the exclusion of grievances. In doing so, he (and others) would discover that under quality leadership, mistakes – and even misdeeds by others – become opportunities for growth and improvement. 

America does not crave a monarchy but most cry for nobility. The invitation to nobleness bids takers to step into the rare air of authentic leadership and greatness that can heal a nation and inspire beyond its flaws and limitations. If, as Trump states in every rally, we are a nation that only bows to God, then modeling that humility before God becomes paramount – and presidential.

Are the gains for one man, for the nation, or for God?

Katharine Lee Bates answered this when penning, "…Till all success be nobleness and every gain divine."

 

 

 

Extra Space and Suipport

Extra Space and Support

I recently returned to the doctor to seek additional help with my left foot's ongoing – and vexing – problem. Patiently pointing out where my arch was falling, he identified the culprit as an "…excessive number of birthdays."

Showing me a shoe insert that he uses, he said, "Your days of walking barefoot or wearing shoes without arch supports are over. Get the support you need – and then get a wider shoe."

Following his orders, I ordered the inserts he recommended for my boots and a new pair of wider sneakers. Extra support and more space seem to be doing the trick.

Despite now possessing several pairs of shoes that will find themselves dropped off at the "Nearly New," I learned an excellent principle for family caregivers.

We benefit from the extra support of family, friends, doctors, counselors, and clergy - and we desperately need space from toxic individuals who criticize or even those who consume our time white-boarding solutions like, "Have you tried this? What about doing this?"

While many yearn for 'big victories," sometimes the win for caregivers can be a less painful walk through the often drama-filled caregiving journey.

Relationships, like shoes, aren't worth much if they're painful.

"If the shoe fits, wear it.” – Unknown

 

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Quieten The Room

"We've done everything possible to save this leg, all that's left is amputation – when you're ready, we'll have that conversation."

Those words came from Gracie's surgeon, following numerous operations to save her right leg - crushed and disfigured in her 1983 car accident. Everyone in Gracie's life, including me, had an opinion about this – and Gracie understandably struggled mightily during this time. At twenty-five, with a toddler, the decision weighed heavily on her young heart.

Setting an appointment with our pastor, Bob, she limped into his office on her mangled right foot. As she sat quietly in his study, he stated, "Gracie, this room is off-limits to every other voice telling you what to do. My job is to help quieten the noise so you can hear your heart – and God's leading.”

Gracie pondered for more than an hour while Pastor Bob sat at his desk – no words passed between them. Finally, Gracie looked up with tear-filled eyes and said, "I'm terrified of doing this," she whispered. Gaining strength, she continued, "But I can't live this way any longer – it's got to come off."

Nodding somberly, he assured Gracie he'd be with her through the ordeal – and he kept his word.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can give to others struggling with heartbreaking decisions is to clear the room, quieten the noise, and sit with them. Most know what needs to be done, but need a quiet place to process the fear and heartache – while assured that they’re not alone.

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on your side; bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

leave to your God to order and provide; in ev'ry change he faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul; your best, your heav’nly friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end. – Kathrina von Schlegel

 

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Coin of the Realm

In this episode from our 10/1/2022 broadcast, I tackle something that's been on my mind for many years - chronic pain and my view of God. 

In America, the "coin of the realm" is the dollar. Metaphorically, in Washington DC, the currency - the coin of the realm - is power. In LA, it's fame - but what is the coin of the realm in God's economy? What has value to God - and how does it relate to us as family caregivers? 

www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Perception Isn’t Always Reality

While in Ghana with our prosthetic limb outreach, Standing With Hope, Gracie and I visited a church in the port city of Tema. Following the service, I met a tall, impressive man wearing a flowing white traditional costume with gold trim. With a thick English/Ghanian accent, I heard him introduce himself as “…de King,’ Amos.”

Never meeting a king, I felt a bit tongue-tied and stammered, “Sir, I apologize – I don’t know how to properly address you.” 

With a huge smile, he offered in his deep voice, “Just call me “Amos.” 

“Sir, I can’t just call you that,” I replied – but he graciously continued chatting. Shortly after, while attending a reception with the pastor, I exclaimed, “I just met the King!” 

With a perplexed look, the pastor asked, “What King?”

“The King, Amos,” I replied.

Thinking for a minute, the pastor exploded in laughter and spoke in his native language to the room full of Ghanaians – who also started chuckling.

Sheepishly, I asked him to explain. 

With his equally thick Ghanian accent, the pastor laughed and shared. “You met a church officer, ‘Dea-con’ Amos – not ‘De King,’ Amos.”  

Perceptions often cloud hearing. The man looked regal – and perception allowed my ears to misinterpret. While my mistake only resulted in laughter, many misconstrued conversations can result in hurt feelings, resentment, and fractured relationships. 

Caregiving breeds isolation and isolation distorts perception – which leads to significant challenges. Asking for clarification, regardless of embarrassment, always trumps misunderstanding.

Studies have shown that 90% of error in thinking is due to error in perception. - Edward de Bono

Hope for the Caregiver Broadcast 09-17-2022

From our nationally syndicated broadcast for family caregivers 09-17-2022

For more, visit www,hopeforthecaregiver.com 

Fly The Plane and Work The Problem

Fly the Plane. Work the Problem

Several pilots I know express a standard command often given to less experienced pilots.

"Fly the plane, work the problem."

The context involves pilots who fixate on a problem like a storm, console light, or other issues. Riveting one's eyes on a single point to the exclusion of the bigger picture can quickly result in disastrous outcomes – especially when piloting an aircraft. The crash of Eastern Air Lines Flight 401 on December 29, 1972, caused 101 fatalities. An investigation revealed that the cockpit crew fixated on a burned-out landing gear light while failing to recognize the disengaged autopilot.

Locking in on one issue while dangerously losing perspective is not exclusive to pilots. Caregivers frequently spiral out of control while arguing with an impairment like Alzheimer's disease, alcoholism, or addiction – all of which easily overpower a caregiver and divert eyes from "flying the plane."

Our responsibility as caregivers is to see the bigger picture when our loved ones can't. Just like every passenger in the plane depends on the pilot not losing focus, so do all who rely upon us as caregivers.

While no one would think of handing over a plane to an untrained individual, caregiving sadly serves as the ultimate "on-the-job training" environment. Even the best of caregivers discover they are outmatched and ill-prepared. That's why each of us requires regular reminders to keep calm - and "fly the plane, work the problem."

"Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you." -  Proverbs 4:25