Hope for the Caregiver

Protecting The Endangered Dignity of Caregivers

Many caregivers nobly work to protect the dignity of their loved ones. Yet, how many discussions occur regarding the dignity of caregiver? The dignity of a caregiver is worth preserving, yet is often trampled underfoot in the course of the caregiving journey.

 A demoralized caregiver is an at-risk caregiver

While menial tasks of caregiving often seem to diminish dignity, it's the relationship dynamics that most affect a caregiver's heart.  The countless flash points of relationship drama beat down the spirit of a caregiver.  Caregivers can be reduced to bitter tears at the hurtful comments erupting from impaired loved ones.   From accusations of theft or neglect, to constant belittling and criticism, a caregiver is often the recipient of barrage of dispiriting indictments. One can only listen to so much of those things before starting to inwardly accept them. Those drama moments can arise from the disease, the impairment, the poor behavior of a vulnerable loved one, or the "side-line expertise" of family and friends. Compounding those issues, caregivers frequently judge themselves—often harsher than their critics.  A demoralized caregiver is an at-risk caregiver. Depression, health issues, destructive coping mechanisms, and other agonies await just around the corner for a dispirited caregiver. As the caregiver journey lengthens, healthier caregivers discover the goal changes from winning those flash point moments, to circumventing them. The avoidance of these conflict moments, however, is not from an unwillingness to confront, but rather from an awareness of the futility.  It is simply not sensible to argue with a disease, nor is it wise to engage with critics who lack experience.

To withdraw from an argument may not make you the winner, but what you have saved is your own dignity and grace.  —Unknown

As a black-belt in the martial art of Hap-kido, I teach defensive blocks.  The concept is to equip students with the ability to effectively parry a strike from an assailant.  At live speaking events, I often demonstrate this by bringing up a volunteer from the audience.  I also ask the audience if any of them have been assaulted by an impaired loved one in their charge. Nearly every hand shoots up when asked that question. Consistently, the audience members who've suffered verbal assaults remains unanimous.   The concept of protecting our hearts mirrors the actions of protecting our bodies: keep hands (guard) up, and redirect.  We learn to never give an easy target, while diverting the energy of the assailant. In Hap Kido, we acquire judgment on how much force is needed to end the altercation. Our focus is not inflicting punishment, however, but rather on preserving our safety.  In the process, we realize that "any fight we walk away from, counts as a win." Granted, some situations will require us to use more force than others, and while we may walk away from a fight, that doesn't mean we didn't engage.  It also doesn't mean the assailant went unscathed.  It simply reflects that our safety and well being is paramount.

Don't pick up the rope!

In a caregiving situation, and by extension the family drama that ensues, the same principles apply.  We do not have to go every fight we are invited to attend. The key is to respond rather than react. We can also maintain our own sense of repose and not engage in the stream of discord that often comes our way.  Loved ones or family and friends often want to engage us in what seems like a tug of war.  While a fun team activity to play in school, there is no dignified way to end a Tug of War contest.  If you lose, you end up on your face.  If you win, you end up on your read.  Either way, there is no graceful exit. Relationship dramas orbiting caregivers lead to relentless tug of war dramas that wear down the self esteem of a caregiver. Recovering and preserving the dignity becomes imperative to the well-being of a caregiver.  Making yourself a small target, redirecting the assault, and refusing to "pick up the rope," equip caregivers with another set of tools that help strengthen the weary hearts of caregivers.

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Peter Rosenberger, a thirty year caregiver, is the author of Hope for the Caregiver. Peter hosts a radio show for caregivers heard weekly on 1510 WLAC broadcast Sunday's at 3 PM CST.  (Podcast as well as streamed through Iheart Radio) Peter is the president of Standing With Hope, a non-profit ministry with two program areas:  a prosthetic limb outreach to amputees in West Africa, and an outreach to family caregivers.

Jim Breuer talks about his dad, caregiving, and baseball

Saturday Night Live Alum, Jim Breuer, called the show for a special Father's Day episode. In our more than four years on the air, Jim's interview soared up to one of my all time favorites.

Jim Breuer remains one of today’s top entertainers and continues to win over audiences with his off-the-wall humor and lovable personality. Named one of Comedy Central’s “100 Greatest Stand-Ups of All Time,” Breuer is one of the most recognizable comedians in the business, known for his charismatic stage antics, dead-on impressions, and family-friendly stand-up.

 

"I love this topic!" - Jim Breuer

From Home Improvement to Saturday Night Live, Jim Breuer brings a comedy legacy to audiences across the country. Calling the show, Jim also shared his huge heart and great love of family as shared his own journey as a caregiver.  Recalling introducing his father to Sylvester Stallone, Jim launched into an impression of the Rocky star that had us howling with laughter. Jim's rapid fire delivery showed no mercy to John and me as we vainly tried to catch our breath. But then just as quick, Jim opened his heart to share deeply personal and poignant events with his father.

On The Road With Dad

In 2008, Breuer set out for his “Breuniversity Tour” with his 85-year-old father and a film crew. “The Jim Breuer Road Journals,” showcased what life is like on the road with a comedian and his father. Videos from that tour also sparked the making of his documentary “More Than Me,” which was shown at the 2009 Montreal Film Festival.

A Family Man—A Marriage Warrior

Breuer’s one-hour Comedy Central special “Let’s Clear the Air” premiered in 2009.  This special contained hilarious topics that included what “success” really is, his SNL days and life with his elderly parents, his wife and his three daughters. Jim's latest special focuses on what Breuer’s life (and all of our lives) truly consist of: dealing with the elderly, becoming our parents’ caretakers, parenting teenagers, and what it takes to be a “marriage warrior.”

Bats, Balls,and Breu

Jim is a baseball fan, but he is a METS super-fan. The sheer joy he takes in ‘his’ team is completely infectious. Even to non-fans. Even to Yankee’s fans. But as fun, charming and watchable as Jim is, in this one way, he is not unique. These kind of fans are everywhere: they are you, your uncle, that guy from accounting who spent all his vacation time following the Cubs in the playoffs… Bats, Balls and Breu is Jim’s way to start a baseball revolution. He’s giving baseball fans a voice and a platform, because baseball belongs to all of us.

  Check out the new single from Peter's CD, SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER.  This original song written by Peter and veteran songwriter, Buddy Mondlock, captures the heart of a caregiver.  (Download on Itunes)

Check out these additional great caregiver resources (Click on Pics)

The radio show for caregivers is an outreach of Standing With Hope.  For more than thirty years, Peter Rosenberger's has served as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, trough a medical nightmare. Emerging as an exceptional voice of experience for an unprecedented need, Peter draws upon wisdom earned through trial to strengthen fellow caregivers.  Click here to help sponsor this show or Standing With Hope's prosthetic limb outreach, 

A Prisoner ....and Yet

Since 2011, numerous inmates at a local correctional facility have volunteered to help us with our prosthetic limb recycling program. I recently took a few hours to meet with some of the newer men working there, and listened to their journeys.  Once qualifying for this unique program hosted by Core-Civic (formerly known as Corrections Corporation of America.), these men disassemble used limbs donated from all over the country, in order to recycle all the usable parts (feet, pylons, knees, connectors, adapters, and even screws).

Tom* serves as the current team leader in the shop.  His time there is nearly over and he feels ready to rebuild his life outside of prison.  In a powerful intersection of Standing With Hope’s prosthetic limb and caregiver outreaches, Tom shared about his wife, who was an amputee, and how he served as her caregiver for many years.  As you can imagine, his story connected with me.

Several years ago, Tom’s wife’s health declined significantly and Tom’s own health deteriorated, as well.  He medicated his stress with substance abuse; taking him into dark places.  When she passed away, Tom spiraled out of control and made choices that landed him in prison. “Peter, the stress I felt as a caregiver took me down.  I simply couldn’t handle it,” he stated frankly. Clean and sober, Tom has a new outlook on life.  Sitting quietly in the shop, surrounded by a table full of prosthetics in various stages of deconstruction. Tom added, “While I don’t like being locked up, I am grateful I’m here.” “If I weren’t here, I’d have crawled into a bottle and would be dead today. I was that self-destructive.”

A Prisoner ...and Yet

When Tom arrived in prison, he heard about Standing With Hope’s limb recycling program, and knew it fit him perfectly. His release date is soon; one of his first tasks when he is out is to donate his wife’s prosthetic limb to our program. While Tom’s journey includes harsh experiences, he continues to face life with courage, along with a conviction that he is in a better place—even while in prison. Although incarcerated, Tom emanates a freedom that seems to elude so many who’ve never even seen the inside of a correctional facility. After praying together, I drove home from the prison with a sense of awe at the amazing, redemptive work of Christ—manifested in a workshop buried in the center of a prison.

For the Lord hears the needy and does not despise his own people who are prisoners. Psalm 69:33 ESV

Resin and Supplies

Periodically, large amounts of acrylic resin with a harder (catalyst) require purchasing, in order for the technicians to make quality prosthetic sockets for each patient.  We recycle so many parts of a prosthetic legs, but we must purchase resin.    Not only do we have to purchase it, but we need to ship it, along with the parts we recycle. Because the resin is a hazardous material, it’s expensive to ship. The immediate need for purchasing and shipping the resin, along with the parts through our inmate recycling program:  $6,500 .  Click here to donate towards this expense.

Our Mission

Both the prosthetic limb outreach AND the radio show for caregivers, reflect our desire to model 2 Corinthians 1:3-4,

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

*Permission was granted to use name, story, and photos

Liz Hernandez shares her family's experiences with Alzheimer's Disease

"My Mom has Alzheimer's and has lost 95% of her speech."

Opening her heart, Liz Hernandez took a break from her TV life and shared her family's personal experiences as caregivers.  Calling the show, the Access Hollywood reporter discussed caring for her mother with Alzheimer's disease. After the diagnosis, Liz didn't speak about it in public for nearly a year.  "Again, the way I was brought up, it was that you handled your family's problem within your family."  Liz also added, "You're on 'denial island' for a long time." When seeing the disproportionate amount of individuals affected by Alzheimer's in the Hispanic community, Liz changed her stance.

I thought, 'No, the right thing to do is to spread the message."  I have to do this in honor of my mother.

In addition, Liz wanted to see purpose in the heartache she and her family continue to experience.

I thought if I don't speak up, all the hurt and all the pain and anguish I have felt, it goes in vain.

If I can help another family avoid some of the hardships ...please go on Alz.org.  Look at the warning signs and share them with your friends. Don't just assume that it never going to happen to you. I think that was one of the most naive things I've ever done in my life—assuming that something like this wouldn't happen to my family. Liz also offered that one thing she wants to tell others struggling with this disease.

"Focus on what they still have."

Sharing that she, like so many, began this journey by only thinking about the losses.  As her family moved through caring for her mom, she learned to relish what remained. Check out some of the videos of Liz from her new project, WORDAFUL.  Through this new YOU TUBE channel, Liz is strengthening, empowering, and inspiring others—one word at a time! You can also follow Liz on Twitter @lizhernandez

 

 

 

The radio show for caregivers is an outreach of Standing With Hope.  Drawing upon Peter Rosenberger's more than thirty years of experience as a caregiver for his wife, Gracie, through a medical nightmare, Peter has emerged as an exceptional voice of experience for an unprecedented need. To help sponsor this show or Standing With Hope's prosthetic limb outreach, click here.  

Check out these great caregiver resource (Click on Pics)

A Conversation With Robert Morgan

Robert J. Morgan is the teaching pastor of The Donelson Fellowship in Nashville, Tennessee, where he has served for 35 years.  He is a best-selling and Gold-Medallion winning writer with more than 35 books in print and more than 4 million copies in circulation in multiple languages.  He is a writer for Dr. David Jeremiah and Turning Points Magazine, and has many articles published in other leading Christian periodicals.  He is also a regular contributor to The Huffington Post.

He and his wife Katrina have three daughters and fourteen grandchildren.  In 2014, Rob was awarded an honorary Doctor of Divinity Degree from his alma mater, Columbia International University. Rob has appeared on numerous national television and radio shows, and he came to our studio at NewsChannel 1510 to share his own journey as a caregiver for more than 27 years for his wife who struggles with MS. 

Talking about his new book, Reclaiming the Lost Art of Biblical Mediation, Robert shares his passion to better care for himself and more effectively care for his wife by meditating on scripture.

Sometimes the problem is, we listen too much to ourselves, but we don't talk to ourselves enough. A lot of my sermons are self-therapy sessions that allow other people to listen in on."  -Robert Morgan

For information, visit www.robertjmorgan.com

 

Comedian Jeff Allen Calls the Show

Nationally known comedian, Jeff Allen, gets serious about the challenges of caregivers.

For four decades, Jeff Allen has been performing in theaters, on television and radio, and as a keynote for corporate functions and fundraisers around the world.

Jeff Allen is the best at what he does - making people laugh as hard as humanly possible. His Happy Wife, Happy Life^® message of a marriage gone wrong and redeemed has given laughter and encouragement to millions of people. Jeff’s comedy drives home the humor in everyday family life and the joy derived from a healthy marriage.

He called my show to share his family's own heartbreaking experiences as caregivers.  He also discussed lessons learned from the journey. Even in the difficult thing, however, Jeff demonstrates how to appreciate the funny moments—giving much needed relief that our hearts desperately need.

 

Now in it's fourth printing, Peter's book, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is strengthening his fellow caregivers across the country. HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER is written by one who truly understands the journey, Peter Rosenberger draws upon an astonishing three decades as a caregiver to offer practical advice, encouragement, compassion, and humor to fellow caregivers.

SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER

The new CD from Peter Rosenberger

Are you finding that car rides to and from the doctor and other appointments ...are filled with drama?

Change that by downloading SONGS FOR THE CAREGIVER from ITUNES.  

 

Caregivers and Dementia Patients With Sheila Welch

Show Guest Shares Tips for Caregivers and Dementia Patients

Sheila Welch called the show to share about a recent Caregiver conference at Due West United Methodist Church (DWUMC) in Marietta, GA.

The Coordinator of DWUMC Caregivers' Ministry and a  Family Support Group Facilitator, Sheila is also a Certified Trainer for Teepa Snow's Positive Approach to Care. Sheila draws upon her own difficult journey as a caregiver.  Her passion is to provide practical help and encouragement to fellow caregivers. In this interview she shares a bit of what she learned from educator and dementia care expert,Teepa Snow.

Here's a brief transcript from the show interview

Peter: Speaking to a group in Alaska recently, I happened to ask a question, "How many of you all have been grabbed or choked by a patient or somebody you're taking care of?" And every one of them had been grabbed. And nearly every one of them had been choked.  So, I spent a little bit of time showing them how to get out of grabs and chokes, and so forth.  A little bit of what I've learned through marital arts. You don't think about that, but a lot of caregivers are slight women, smaller women, taking care of large men.  These are frightening things.  They are physically hurting these caregivers.

Sheila:  I lead a group of spouses who are loving a husband or wife through Alzheimer's or some related dementia.  Some of those ladies are very small.  Some of the husbands can become violent.

Don't Just Show Up Suddenly To Someone Living With Dementia

There are actually ways to approach people who are living with dementia that are different from approaching a person who is suffering from another illness ...to help reduce the risk of some of those horrible occurrences.  So many times, the person who is living with dementia is terrified when they have some come upon them and they don't even know they're there, because their vision has been impaired to a point where peripherally, they never saw you coming. So, their fight/flight mechanism triggers.  They're terrified. It leaves us as caregivers so at a loss at how we should be treating them. And it leaves that person with dementia in a terrible state.

Peter:You know, we never even think about that.  How horribly afraid these individuals are.  And they don't see it coming. They're sitting there minding their own business, and then all of sudden someone approaches out of nowhere, according to their field of view.  And they don't even know who they are!   I mean, John, look how we are when someone does that to us.

Sheila:  And we can think through it, Peter. We can calm ourselves down and we can think through it, because our brain is still working.  The brain of someone who is living with dementia has at least two areas that are actively dying. And so, they don't have the tools to handle the situation.  So it's up to us to learn how to care for them, and how to best approach them. And all of that takes a great deal education.  And that's what we are trying to do at the caregivers ministry at my church.

Hit the play button above to hear the whole interview and learn tips on how to approach someone living with dementia.