Hope for the Caregiver

A Conversation With Author/Speaker/Caregiver Jane Heller

 New York Times and USA Today bestselling author, Jane Heller, called the show to share her journey as a caregiver. Her new book bears the most hilarious title that caregivers will quickly understand: You’d Better Not Die Or I’ll Kill You: A Caregiver’s Survival Guide To Keeping You in Good Health and Good Spirits.  Jane brings her wonderful wit to her harsh journey as a caregiver for her husband and her mother.

 

"Give Me Solutions!"

Caregivers are often put on the spot to somehow fix whatever happens to be the crisis of the day —or the hour.  Some people feel free to stress the obvious, and then impatiently demand the caregiver come up with an answer.

"Give Me Solutions."

Caregivers don’t need others to rehash the same problem we’ve obsessed over.  Furthermore, we don't need "bystanders" to place another unreasonable request upon our shoulders. By evenly stating, "Give Me Solutions," we detach from the ownership of satisfying an onlooker's lack of understanding. Asking those individuals for solutions, and then just being quiet—gives them a moment’s pause to consider the complexity of the caregiver's world. In addition, maybe, just maybe, a moment's pause provides them with an opportunity to embrace some humility when engaging suffering.  Regardless of the humility or lack thereof, a moment's pause provides caregivers with a distraction to extricate themselves from the conversation.  

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You Can't Drive A Tuna Casserole To Work

Struggling with her husband’s significant medical issues, a woman I know felt burnout and worn paper-thin. Furthermore, while trying to hold it all together, her car broke down. In addition to all the other burdens she carried, transportation soared to the top of the list.  Finally working up the courage to ask someone in her church for help, a church member met her plea with compassion.

 

“We’re going to pray for you, and I will bring you a meal!”

 

The offer from the friend came with great sincerity and enthusiasm.  

 

Awkwardly, she replied, “I really want your prayers …I appreciate the thought of the meal …but I really need the car fixed!

For caregiver, it’s takes courage to ask for the specific need.  The fear of being rejected and feeling ashamed looms large for many us.  Yet, there is no shame in having a need. Furthermore, caregivers asking for help is a sign of wisdom.  

 

In moments like this woman's, it's so meaningful and insightful when asked specifically about the car, the appliances, the home.  Remember, "...You can’t drive a Tuna-Casserole to Work!"  

 

Praying and meals for folks who suffer, as well as for those who care for them, is wonderful, but digging deeper allows us to do more than be a tuna-noodle helper.

About Peter Rosenberger

Peter Rosenberger, a thirty-year caregiver, is the author of Hope for the Caregiver.  

Peter hosts a weekly radio show for caregivers on 1510 WLAC, broadcast Sunday’s at 3 PM CST.  In addition,  Peter serves as the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope.

The author of four books, Peter earned 2nd dan (degree) black-belt in Hap-kido, and is an accomplished pianist.  He recently release his new CD, Songs for the Caregiver.

 

Peter Rosenberger's radio show for family caregivers can be heard each Sunday at 3PM CDT on Newsradio 1510 WLAC.  The show is streamed world-wide through Iheart Media.

Discussing Traumatic Brain Injury With Kevin Pearce and Adam Pearce

Approximately 1.7 million each year sustain a traumatic brain injury. Superstar snowboarder, Kevin Pearce, suffered one on a practice run preparing for the 2010 Winter Olympics. Kevin, along with his brother, Adam, called the show to discuss their story and their new mission.

I was on this super clear path to be a professional snowboarder, and to be one of the best in the world. —Kevin Pearce

 

On December 31, 2009, while training for the Olympic trials in Park City, Utah, Kevin suffered a severe traumatic brain injury. Although wearing a helmet at the time, the injury left Kevin in critical condition and in a medically induced coma. His recovery—and his journey to accept his new life—was chronicled in the HBO documentary, “The Crash Reel." Kevin emerged as a passionate advocate for the prevention of brain injuries and the promotion of a brain healthy lifestyle. Along with his brother, Adam, Kevin co-founded the Love Your Brain Foundation(Loveyourbrain.com). Their mission is to prevent brain injuries, support brain injury recovery and promote brain health. Kevin is a Sports Ambassador for the National Down Syndrome Society.  He credits his brother David, (born with Down syndrome), as a huge influence in his life and career.  In addition, Kevin is the 2014 recipient of The Dana and Christopher Reeve Inspiration Award from Craig Hospital.  Furthermore, he received The Victory Award (2011) from The National Rehabilitation Hospital in Washington, DC.

I asked Adam Pearce to share one thing he would say to a family who just experienced a traumatic brain injury.  He recalled the advice given to his family by one of Kevin's physicians.

If you could think about being in the woods. Instead of thinking as if you are going to walk out of the woods—the woods become less dense.

It Takes a Lot of Patience and Support

"Understand that this is a long journey, and one that really  takes a lot of patience and support."   [In addition,] it requires the coming together of your community to support this.  Because it is a long one and that's the reality of it. —Adam Pearce

Adam also offered comments about the impact of Traumatic Brain Injury on family relationships.

"It definitely puts some strain on those relationships.  But I think with good communications and just the right support, I think it makes those easier. But in the end, it has the ability to bring you closer to family and that loved one going through it.

 

About Peter Rosenberger

Peter Rosenberger, a thirty-year caregiver, is the author of Hope for the Caregiver.  

Peter hosts a weekly radio show for caregivers on 1510 WLAC, broadcast Sunday’s at 3 PM CST.  In addition,  Peter serves as the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope.

The author of four books, Peter earned 2nd dan (degree) black-belt in Hap-kido, and is an accomplished pianist.  He recently release his new CD, Songs for the Caregiver.

 

Peter Rosenberger's radio show for family caregivers can be heard each Sunday at 3PM CDT on Newsradio 1510 WLAC. The show is streamed world-wide through Iheart Media.

Caregivers By WholeCare

For more than twenty years, Elizabeth Moss, CEO of Caregivers By WholeCare, has provided exceptional care to families in Middle Tennessee.  With her background as a nurse, Elizabeth understands first hand from a professional viewpoint the need.  From her own journey, she understands the personal need for quality caregivers to help families in need. A champion for families facing difficulties in caring for aging parents or loved ones with special needs, Elizabeth and Caregivers By WholeCare bring a comprehensive list of services to meet the needs of any caregiving situation.  From skilled care to companion care, they serve a lengthy list of families in the Middle Tennessee area —including mine.

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Don't Believe Everything You think

"My Mind Is A Dangerous Neighborhood to Walk in Unaccompanied!"

Physical Isolation is one of the most challenging issues Caregivers face, but our thoughts become isolated, as well.  In those lonely moments, our minds can play tricks on us, and take us down dark roads.  Like a pilot flying through clouds without looking at instruments, we can quickly become disoriented.  In those moments, we need external input ...an emotional GPS, if you will ...to help us regain our heading and proceed safely.  We don't need to believe everything we think! I don't know about you, but my mind is a dangerous neighborhood to walk in unaccompanied! The book of Proverbs tells us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and to not lean on our own understanding.  You know why that's in there? Because we lean on our understanding!! Serving as a caregiver is simply too difficult to do alone.  Don't lean on your understanding, ask for guidance and help. Don't believe everything you think!

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Stewardship vs.Obligation for Caregivers

Caregiver Stewardship instead Obligation

"I've Got To," "I need to," "I have to."  These are all statements made by all caregivers at some point, and, sadly, all too frequently.  The feeling of obligation drives us to push ourselves to dangerous stress levels for our health, finances, and emotional stability.  The way we can push back is to recognize that we don't own the problem.  We didn't cause it, and we can't fix it.  We are stewards.  Stewardship frees us to accept we are doing the best we can with what we have.  Feeling obligated can quickly takes us into resentment, which will only compromise our ability to live healthy lives and serve as healthy caregivers.  Adopting an attitude of stewardship, however, helps us breathe easier and treat ourselves with mercy—all of which equips us to be a better caregiver.