Hope for the Caregiver

A Life Lesson From My Plumber

There's nothing quite like having a faucet on a bathtub break ...at 10:45 PM and watching hot water pouring uncontrollably.

Such was the case at my house the other night. Yet, it turned out to be a memorable experience in another way ...when the plumber who arrived model and amazing attitude and care. 

That's why I'm a member of the Happy Hiller Club! 

Jeff Allen: A Comedian Who Helps Lighten My Heart

As caregivers, we need to lighten up ...it's just a fact. We often daily see  serious, painful, and heartbreaking things, and we certainly cry enough tears ...but do we laugh? Sadly, many of us don't ...and won't without a bit of help.

I've always loved stand up comics, and one of my favorites is Jeff Allen. From the moment I heard his voice, delivery, and act ...I was hooked!  He's on a new tour right now ...and I highly recommend you catching his show at a venue near you!  

Jeff called the show, shared his story and his philosophy of humor and life! 

As caregivers, we serve ourselves well to not wait for a "accidental" laugh, but to intentionally engage in things that can lighten our hearts. For me, it's stand up comics, funny movies, books, and shows. Along the way, those regular moments of laughter help me better shift the challenges I face so that they don't seem so crushing at times.

This doesn't just apply to me, however. Gracie loves to laugh ...and I love making her laugh. 

How about you?  

 

The Pastor Who Helped Me Start It All

During dark and difficult times, my pastor stood by me and my family. Shepherding us, he helped us work tough things, heal, and take on new roles such as this radio show. Jim Bachmann's ministry in our lives helped us launch Standing With Hope's prosthetic limb outreach in West Africa as well as our family caregiver outreach. 

Jim reflects on his nearly forty years as a minister and things he learned about caring for the suffering and brokenhearted. Jim is the senior pastor of Stephens Valley Church  https://www.stephensvalleychurch.com/

  

Abusive Brother Blackmailing Caregiver

“I’m tired, depressed, and angry.”

That’s how the conversation started with a caller in Oklahoma who called our show, Hope for the Caregiver

Digging a bit deeper, she revealed that she is the youngest child (56) caring for her mother who has dementia. She has an older brother who is a drug addict, but this caller feels he was coddled and enabled by her mother for years. Her father passed away years ago but was himself an abusive alcoholic.

Burdened with resentment as she cared for her mother while feeling threatened by her abusive and addicted brother, the caller reached the end of her rope. Although she owned the home where her mother stayed, her brother threatened her repeatedly and wouldn’t leave the property while Paula tried to care for her. Asking why she didn’t get a restraining order, she replied that legal advice told her that she had to give him proper notice, and she continued to dance around the issue of confronting her brother. Then, our caller also revealed that her brother was a felon who also had a shotgun. Inquiring about her reporting him to authorities, she resisted even though she tearfully stated, “I’m living on the edge. It’s like living with my dad—he was so abusive like my brother.”

Through sobs, she admitted that she felt afraid to report him to the authorities, even though he as an addict and felon in possession of a shotgun—because her brother threatened to expose something about her.

“I used to be a lesbian and he’s threatening to bring all that out.”

She went on to share that she is a born-again Christian and no longer a lesbian, but her brother threatened her with exposing what she referred to as her “checkered past.” Understanding the core issue, I gently said, “Let me tell you something about our Savior.”

“There is nothing that you have done that Christ is going to bring up and start labeling you. That comes straight from Satan. In fact, the name ‘Satan’ means accuser.” Charles Spurgeon once stated that when “we stand before God we stand as Christ —because Christ stood before God as us.”

Hearing sniffles through the phone line, I added, “I want you to hang on to that thought for a minute. Do you understand that you have a Savior who took on every bit of your checkered past and sexual brokenness and bore it? You are not being blackmailed with anything because you have a Savior who is your advocate now.”

“Your brother is messed up. He is dangerous. You’re trying to honor your mother and father—although your father was a drunk and abusive—you’re still trying to do the right thing. But you’re going to have bring in some hired help—and that’s law enforcement. Let’s get you to safety.”

Advising her to call the local police, I reiterated to her that a felon with a drug problem and firearm is a game changer. Her safety was more important than any damage her brother may do to her reputation. Although fearfully (and tearfully), she agreed to do so.
This caller, and many more like her, live with legitimate danger.
Calling a radio show for caregivers, she learned more about the love of Christ. The shame of her sin kept her perilously close to a dangerous situation. Yet, she left the call with a greater understanding of salvation, redemption, and the love of God.

This is why we have a show for family caregivers.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

"How am I going to get my son with autism to adulthood?"

David from Ohio called the show with deep emotion as he struggled caring for his son who is on the autism spectrum.  At thirteen, David's son is a handful ...and David broke down trying to wrap his mind around getting his son through to adulthood. 

We discussed this and took the conversation into a path he didn't expect: the relationship between David and his wife ...as well as an important self-defense lesson I learned from my martial arts instructor.

As caregivers, we often live in the wreckage of our future ...and fear the worst. Yet, we're not there in the future, so we don't have to be held hostage by something that hasn't happened. in our conversation, David discovered the opportunities available to him in the "here and now" that will greatly assist him in caring for his son through difficult times that lie ahead. 

 

Caregiving Mom Exhausted Over Daughter With Migraines

How would you feel if your adult child (30+) lived at home with debilitating migraines?

Caller from Mississippi shared her frustration at her daughter's challenges ...and behaviors. From what she describes in this call, the problem has expanded to addiction and other behavior issues. 

Caregivers can easily fall into the trap of enablers. Lost in what I call the FOG of caregivers (Fear Obligation Guilt), we can easily veer off the road into dangerous situations. 

There is a path to safety ...but we're not going to find it alone. 

That's why we have a show for family caregivers! 

Struggling Moms Serving as Caregivers.

This episode of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER was filled with phone calls of caregiving mothers....starting with a mom of an adult child with chronic migraines who is also addicted to pain killer. We also had another mother in the last stages of caring for her son with cancer, and another single mom caring for two adult sons with autism. And the calls just kept coming. 

Hope for the Caregiver is committed to pointing struggling family caregivers to safety. As caregivers, even though we often deal with heartbreaking realities, we can live a calmer, healthier ...and even more joyful life.

But we can't do it alone.