Hope for the Caregiver

Knowing When Or When Not To Act

In trauma, the clock is the adversary, but in caregiving, it's the calendar. While emergencies demand an immediate response, quick actions for caregivers often result in several battles on multiple fronts. Nothing stretches a caregiver too thin like rushing to a crisis- while already embroiled in one.

"Oh, yes, my friend, you would have fought very bravely and died very quickly." - Don Diego to Alejandro in The Mask of Zorro.

In the long journey of caregiving, caregivers benefit from incorporating "discretionary valor." For many caregivers (including me), the default is to hurl ourselves or our opinions recklessly at situations that require neither. Being still often takes enormous discipline and is its own form of bravery. Although some may not recognize it, knowing when to - or when not to - act often reflects extraordinary wisdom and courage. It's hard to "stay at one's post" when it seems everything is falling apart. Yet one's mettle is often tested by not interfering when things get dicey. Sometimes, others need to experience failure in order to grow. Hampering that experience inhibits their growth.

Although not often valued, discretionary valor remains one of the most critical attributes a caregiver can utilize. While soldiers receive medals reflecting bravery under duress, our medals for discretionary valor appear differently. Our awards reflect peace of mind, less drama, and a good night's sleep.

"Don't just do something, stand there!" - Unknown

What is a Family Caregiver?

This question is often asked of me. Many think because they are a parent, then they're a caregiver. Nurses, CNAs, and other medical personnel - are family caregivers, right? 

In this opening monologue from August 6, 2022, we discuss this issue. First and foremost, family caregivers don't receive a paycheck. Then, there are other significant differences. 

www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

 

A Box Of Things That God Will Have To Redeem

A frustration point for many family caregivers lies in unmet expectations, hopes, and dreams. We often visualize what could be – but things beyond our control are roadblocks. Ashamedly, I admit attempting control and trying to force things on more than one occasion – only to frustrate myself, my wife, and (many) others. Letting go of those hopes and expectations, however, can be painful. Over the last few years, I've tried a different approach. In my mind, I envision a rather large container I call "The Box of Things That God Will Have to Redeem."

Offloading those items, losses, heartaches, and disappointment to God reduces my angst and the potential for resentment.

For me, the box is genuine and reflects my faith that God will indeed redeem each of those things - He's better at carrying them than me. Saying that "…God will have to redeem" does not demand the Almighty to act; it simply recognizes that He alone has the power to do so. Of course, the temptation to retrieve items and stew on them often grips me. Yet I can affirm that each time I place them back in the box, I grow less tempted to dwell on them.

Letting go of what is impossible to carry helps me live more peacefully with things I can't change.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4 (KJV)

Interviewing Author, Pastor, and Caregiver, Robert Morgan

Drawing upon nearly 50 years as a teaching pastor and 25+ years as a caregiver, Rob Morgan brings a wealth of understanding and experience to today's challenging issues.

Following the death of his wife, Rob candidly shares his thoughts and experiences while anchoring himself and others in the Scripture.  Teaching on the book of Revelation, Rob recently authored THE 50 FINAL EVENTS IN WORLD HISTORY.  In this new book, Rob shares how he draws encouragement from this book that confuses and even frightens so many. 

(www.robertjmorgan.com)

 

 

Caregivers and Jurisdiction

In the 1985 Western Silverado, Sheriff John Langston (played by British actor John Cleese) obligingly led a posse after two brothers following the breakout of one from the town jail. While chasing the men (whose crimes were questionable), the posse rounded a bend to unexpected gunfire from one of the brothers' companions. As his deputy urged them to push on by yelling, "… they're almost out of our jurisdiction," a bullet clipped the sheriff's hat and sent it flying. 

Turning his horse around, Cleese states in his wonderfully clipped British accent, "Today, my jurisdiction ends here!"

Returning to town, Sheriff Langston lived to fight another day. 

Sometimes, our jurisdiction as caregivers requires reassessing. Many can recall feeling pressure (either from others or ourselves) to "right a wrong," seek satisfaction or try to force an issue. Yet that pressure can lead us outside our scope of responsibility. Leaving our territory can easily result in unpleasant circumstances – for us, our loved ones, and others.

At times, the temptation to chase after the "…ones that got away" can feel compulsory. In those moments, we serve ourselves well by asking, "How important is this?' 

Addressing that question helps reestablish our jurisdiction – and can allow us to fight another day.

“You got to know when to hold 'em, Know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away, And know when to run.” – The Gambler, Don Schlitz

 

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A Gracious Word in Weird Moments

From our July 16, 2022 program. 

Have you ever had someone say something strange, insensitive, or even weird to you - and a flood of responses immediately filled your mind?  Sometimes, we save ourselves from unnecessary drama when we "bite our tongues and learn to like the taste of blood!" 

But it can torque our brain to do so ...doesn't it? Who knows, though - we may get a funny story out of it that brings laughter years later. 

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The Extraordinary Good That Can Come From Private Infant Adoption

John Knox of the OPT Institute shared the new study about adoption that his organization commissioned by George Barna. Committed to helping individuals understand the opportunities to choose life and adoption. 

So many loving families want to adopt a child - even a special needs child - and we want to help share that opportunity that many mothers may not realize. 

“We can’t ever give up on the good that can come from private infant adoptions.” - John Knox, - The OPT Institute

www.opinstitute.org