Hope for the Caregiver

Legend has it that Augustus Toplady took shelter during a storm in a fissure he discovered in a large rock wall. The visual stuck with him and led him to write the first line of one of the most familiar hymns in Church history. "Rock of Ages, Cleft for Me."

We discussed this and more in our broadcast that aired on 11/6/2021. 
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When a loved one takes opioids - even when prescribed and as ordered - what is the impact on the family caregiver?

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In an emotional phone call, a friend shared the recent criticism while struggling to care for her husband. Already reeling from significant heartache resulting from her husband’s condition, the scolding rocked her. 

“You should’ve done _______.

All too many spectators of caregivers often feel empowered to offer “advice” to those shouldering the challenges of caregiving. Sometimes non-caregivers bypass advice and go straight to criticizing. I suppose it saves time.

As a rule, the best opinions to heed usually come from those possessing training and education relating to the impairment of your loved one. Thirty-five years as a caregiver has taught me an additional rule:  the best counsel regarding your journey as a caregiver often comes from those with credible experience. 

There remains no shortage of opinions from those not doing the work. Those criticisms, if allowed, can wound the soul of a caregiver struggling to do her best.

When tempted to allow critics to assess your value as a caregiver by job performance, be fair and look at your attendance record. You keep showing up to care. Critics only show up to judge.

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Famed anthropologist Margaret Mead shared that "…the first sign of civilization is compassion, seen in a healed femur." She backed her claim by explaining the amount of time and compassion from the tribe or community required to care for that individual – until able to resume normal activities.

"’ Survival of the fittest doesn’t include healed femurs.”

Caregivers live with significant injuries, as well. Injuries of the soul – that can cripple a person.  Anyone who’s cared for a chronically impaired loved one cannot recover from such an experience without compassionate help from others. Just as we would rush to someone with a broken leg and respect the time needed for convalescence, caregivers need others to run their side, as well.

For many caregivers, trauma can extend far beyond a funeral. While many people are nice to caregivers, being nice is a learned behavior – not a sign of character. During and in the aftermath of caregiving, family caregivers need (and deserve) more than “nice.”  They cry out for compassion and grace – and it may take a while.

Offering compassion and grace helps heal a caregiver – while simultaneously deepening the hearts of the ones extending those mercies.

“Teach me to feel another's woe, to hide the fault I see, that mercy I to others show, that mercy show to me.” – Alexander Pope

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Dr. Jill McElhenny of Columbia International University (www.CIU.edu) discussed the new Bachelor of Nursing program.  A practicing nurse for nearly a quarter of a century, Dr. McElhenny brings her vast experience and training to lead this program for CIU. 

CIU Associate Provost Dr. Brian Simmons says, "...McElheny is a perfect fit for CIU's Christian mission and core values."

Echoing the strong ministry emphasis, Dr. McElhenny stated that she considers nursing "a sacred calling." 

With the program available online to qualified candidates, it represents a substantial opportunity for those RN's desiring to obtain their Bachelor's, and it further CIU "s strong mission's emphasis of "To Know Him and Make Him Known."

For more information visit, https://ciu.edu/online-degrees/undergraduate/bachelor-science/nursing-rn-bsn 

From our national broadcast 10/23/2021.

HopeForTheCaregiver.com 

 

A caller named Bill once shared on our program for caregivers that his father was an abusive alcoholic for years. Now, Bill's father’s had a stroke and requires extensive care - but sadly still drinks. Bill went on to say that he’s although he’s over 50 with a wife and kids, he still feels like a terrified 9-year-old when he’s around his father.

Bill’s father made his own decisions – decisions that evidently did not involve a recovery plan.

I shared with Bill that he can only do his best, but his family needs the 50-year-old version of BILL —not the 9-year-old one. Bill’s well-being remains paramount to his family. To be blunt, his father’s well-being, while desirable, does not. Although it sounds harsh, the reality is Bill’s father may not make it, but Bill must. I commended Bill for working to ensure his father’s safety and care despite the trauma that man caused. But I also cautioned Bill on the importance of securing his own care and well-being by attending a recovery program for family members of alcoholics and even counseling. Honoring your mother father does not mean honoring alcoholism, addiction …or even abuse.