Hope for the Caregiver

Trauma Fights the Clock But Caregiving Fights the Calendar

When someone we love is hurting, suffering, or impaired, we often heroically leap to action and fight the danger. Although a good trait in an emergency, it's unsustainable in the marathon of caregiving. Unlike trauma, caregiving requires a different approach. In trauma, the clock is the adversary, but it's the calendar in caregiving. Emergency circumstances require immediate action, but hasty movement can engage caregivers in way too many battles on multiple fronts, leaving us depleted – or worse.

As Don Diego stated to Alejandro in The Mask of Zorro, "Oh, yes, my friend, you would have fought very bravely and died very quickly."

While actions remain important, discretionary valor is equally, if not more, essential as a caregiver. That discretion of knowing when to act, speak, or be still—comes with time and practice, but it's a necessary part of our journey in becoming healthy caregivers. Being still often requires enormous discipline and is its own form of bravery. Although some may not recognize it, knowing when to act often reflects extraordinary valor.

"Don't just do something, stand there!" - Unknown

 

www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

A Bowl of Soup and a Kind Word

During a challenging hospital stay for my wife, friends called and asked me to stop by their home. After doing laundry, I swung by their house while returning to the hospital. Smiling at the puzzled look on my face, they directed me to the kitchen table, where a single place setting awaited.

“Your in-laws are caring for your boys, and the hospital staff is caring for Gracie. Sit, eat, and let us care for you. They promptly served me a steaming bowl of vegetable beef soup, a massive slice of cornbread, and a large glass of tea. As a child of the South, they couldn’t have picked a better meal for me.

I tried to make conversation but couldn’t find the words. “Just eat and rest,” they repeated several times.

After finishing the meal, I got up to head back to the hospital, and they both hugged me. “You have a lot to do, but now do it on a full stomach – knowing that you’re loved.”

Many express difficulties in knowing how to help a caregiver, but most caregivers agree that it’s not complicated.

Sometimes it’s just a bowl of soup and a kind word.

“The angel of God came back, shook him [Elijah] awake again, and said, “Get up and eat some more—you’ve got a long journey ahead of you.”– I Kings 19:7 The Message (The Bible)

 

If you are enjoying these podcast episodes, consider being a patron or supporting our work at www.hopeforthecaregiver.com/giving 

A Path Through the Storm

Imagine trying to build a five-year plan while simultaneously working to survive a hurricane. Incredulously, many caregivers regularly attempt such a feat. 

Avoiding Death Is Not The Same As Living

Risk Is A Part of Life, But Joy Is a Choice

“Happy New Year” can often feel perfunctory and even meaningless in the caregiving world. Most of us know that January 1, 2, 3, etc., usually brings the same challenges of the previous week – and even year (s).

Yet, although our responsibilities may not change, we can.

While many fall into the trap of ambitious but unrealistic New Year’s Resolutions (I usually give mine up for Lent), caregivers can instead determine to live rather than just survive.

Living, however, requires risks. Life is perilous - despite our culture obstinately working to mitigate all risks (thank the lawyers for that). Isolating to avoid disease, injury, rejection, or failure is no way to live. Nor is avoiding death the same as living.

From gardening to music, anything that involves life, art, and creativity comes with the risk of failure. As do relationships, business ventures …and caregiving.

This year, I intend to push myself to learn, try, accomplish- and even fail - new things. History teaches that risks and heartache remain unavoidable, but joy is a choice.

“It ain’t dying I’m talking about, it’s living. I doubt it matters where you die, but it matters where you live.” - Augustus McCrae ― from Lonesome Dove (Larry McMurtry)

 

If you find our podcast meaningful, consider becoming a patron. Just click on the patron tab, and select the desired amount!

 

Shannon Bream Shares The Faith That Anchors Her

Author and Anchor of FoxNews @Night, Shannon Bream, called the show. Shannon discussed the journey she and her husband endured - that helped forge the faith that enabled her to write her NY Times Bestseller, "The Women of the Bible Speak." 

Christmas Message for Family Caregivers

Christmas can be a challenging time for family caregivers. In this bonus episode from our radio program, we offer this to fellow caregivers.

Thinking On My Foot

“Thinking On Our Feet”

A stabbing pain beside my left little toe once prompted a visit to a podiatrist.

"You have bunion by your left big toe." He stated flatly.

"I know about my bunion; I named it 'Paul,'" I replied with a laugh. "But it doesn't hurt. The pain is on the other side of my foot.

"You don't understand," he responded. "The defect of the bunion causes the pain you feel." Patiently explaining, he added, "The bunion affects your walking gait and creates stress points that cause pain.' "I'll bet your left knee hurts as well, doesn't it?"

Admitting it did, I listened while he described treatment plans to help relieve the problem.

Discomfort with the pressures of caregiving often leads many caregivers to blame the loved one – the "pain point." However, with an honest look, we find the culprit is often our predisposition to fear, worry, and control. Those 'defects" disrupt our balance, hurt, and are often greatly amplified by the stress of caregiving.

The doctor helped identify and treat the root issues of my foot's pain, and the discomfort eased. With his help, I improved the way I walk.

In a podiatrist's office, I also learned that when I focus on the root cause of my stress –invariably my defects instead of others' - I improve the way I live.

“…Once we know ourselves, we may learn how to care for ourselves" ― Socrates