Hope for the Caregiver

Abusive Brother Blackmailing Caregiver

“I’m tired, depressed, and angry.”

That’s how the conversation started with a caller in Oklahoma who called our show, Hope for the Caregiver

Digging a bit deeper, she revealed that she is the youngest child (56) caring for her mother who has dementia. She has an older brother who is a drug addict, but this caller feels he was coddled and enabled by her mother for years. Her father passed away years ago but was himself an abusive alcoholic.

Burdened with resentment as she cared for her mother while feeling threatened by her abusive and addicted brother, the caller reached the end of her rope. Although she owned the home where her mother stayed, her brother threatened her repeatedly and wouldn’t leave the property while Paula tried to care for her. Asking why she didn’t get a restraining order, she replied that legal advice told her that she had to give him proper notice, and she continued to dance around the issue of confronting her brother. Then, our caller also revealed that her brother was a felon who also had a shotgun. Inquiring about her reporting him to authorities, she resisted even though she tearfully stated, “I’m living on the edge. It’s like living with my dad—he was so abusive like my brother.”

Through sobs, she admitted that she felt afraid to report him to the authorities, even though he as an addict and felon in possession of a shotgun—because her brother threatened to expose something about her.

“I used to be a lesbian and he’s threatening to bring all that out.”

She went on to share that she is a born-again Christian and no longer a lesbian, but her brother threatened her with exposing what she referred to as her “checkered past.” Understanding the core issue, I gently said, “Let me tell you something about our Savior.”

“There is nothing that you have done that Christ is going to bring up and start labeling you. That comes straight from Satan. In fact, the name ‘Satan’ means accuser.” Charles Spurgeon once stated that when “we stand before God we stand as Christ —because Christ stood before God as us.”

Hearing sniffles through the phone line, I added, “I want you to hang on to that thought for a minute. Do you understand that you have a Savior who took on every bit of your checkered past and sexual brokenness and bore it? You are not being blackmailed with anything because you have a Savior who is your advocate now.”

“Your brother is messed up. He is dangerous. You’re trying to honor your mother and father—although your father was a drunk and abusive—you’re still trying to do the right thing. But you’re going to have bring in some hired help—and that’s law enforcement. Let’s get you to safety.”

Advising her to call the local police, I reiterated to her that a felon with a drug problem and firearm is a game changer. Her safety was more important than any damage her brother may do to her reputation. Although fearfully (and tearfully), she agreed to do so.
This caller, and many more like her, live with legitimate danger.
Calling a radio show for caregivers, she learned more about the love of Christ. The shame of her sin kept her perilously close to a dangerous situation. Yet, she left the call with a greater understanding of salvation, redemption, and the love of God.

This is why we have a show for family caregivers.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

Carlen Maddux: A Path Revealed

On the day of her diagnosis, Carlen Maddux shared on HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER that the world he and his wife enjoyed wasn't just turned upside down, "...it imploded." 

At only 50, Martha Maddux never dreamed alzheimer's disease would invade her very active and accomplished world. That doctor visit in 1997 changed everything and set Carlen's feet on a path of grief, heartbreak, discovery, faith, and healing. 

In a frank conversation framed by his decades as a journalist, Carlen offers insights to those who feel "dropped off in a foreign land and feeling desperate to find their way home."

Tearful Caller Knows What Lies Ahead

All too many caregivers live in the wreckage of our future ...and we work ourselves into all sorts of heartache over things that haven't even happened. 

Such is the case with this caller, Lisa. Like so many of us, Lisa tortured herself with looking down the road and visualize what lies ahead for her as she cares for her husband.

She called crying ...but listen to the transformation. We had to go to a break, but when we returned, the conversation moved her away from despair ...and she even chuckled a bit. 

 

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."

2 Corinthians 1:4

The Delta Doctrine (Chapter Excerpt)

Audio excerpt of Peter Rosenberger's book, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER.  This chapter is titled THE DELTA DOCTRINE.

This simple directive heard on a flight "Put Your Mask on First" is the best directive for caregivers, but what does that look like?

This chapter helps caregivers change the way they think about their own needs and how they relate to a loved one. 

Hope for the Caregiver 03-09-2012

^{On this show, we led off with Paul's exhortation about anxiety.  For caregivers, this verse - while admittedly challenging - is particularly important to us in calming ourselves down in the daily grind of caregiving.} 

 

^"... do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7 ESV

 

Woman caring for ailing mother comes home to needy husband.

A woman struggling with her needy husband while she cared for her mother ...posted her frustration online in a Facebook group. The "advice" she got from members ...appalled me, so I weighed in to the discussion.
Nancy from Jacksonville called in response to what I told this woman ...and we had a lovely spirited discussion about it!
This and more from 02/24/2019

February 16-2019

Alcoholism is often referred to as "...the only disease that convinces you that you don't have it."

Our first caller, Eric, demonstrated that axiom ...perfectly.  So much so, that it never registered to him how his disease affects his wife. 

Amos demonstrated the importance of seeing a professional following the loss of a caregiver's loved one.

Mary needed her husband to step up ...but was afraid to tell him.

This and more from HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER ...the show that is committed to strengthening family caregivers.