Hope for the Caregiver

As caregivers, we regularly feel intense pressure to fix or achieve. Yet, despite our best efforts, many of the circumstances we face seem unyielding. Our self-judgment over things beyond our control often leads to an incorrect verdict of failure.

Taking a step away from the caregiving world, consider the “Slap heard around the world” at the 2022 Academy Awards. When Will Smith assaulted Chris Rock on stage in front of a global audience, Chris Rock responded with extraordinary restraint. Maintaining his composure, Chris Rock continued with the show and walked away with nearly universal approval because he didn’t worsen an awful situation. Not only did he handle himself well on stage, but in the ensuing media frenzy, he remained quiet about the event. Rock chose to address the incident on his timing – when temperatures cool.

As caregivers, we regularly face situations that often tempt or provoke us to intense emotional reactions. Taking a page from Chris Rock, we can incorporate a simple strategy into often uncontrollable experiences: Not making it worse, counts as a win!

When we restrain our emotions and master our response to any given circumstances, we live a bit calmer and can add more victories to the “win column.”

“Liberty exists in proportion to wholesome restraint.” - Daniel Webster

 

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From Hope for the Caregiver's national broadcast 04-23-2022

Let’s face it; many people don’t know what to say when encountering someone struggling with divorce, broken relationships, a tragedy, or other painful realities.

Just put it behind you; Don’t look in the rearview mirror; That’s in the past.

While sounding like good advice to keep moving forward, there are times when acknowledging the magnitude of someone’s heartache is appropriate – and “sifting through the mess” and assessing the destruction is required. Recovery takes time, and part of the process involves meticulously inspecting the damage. Any insurance adjuster who’s visited a client following a devastating flood, fire, or tornado will affirm the importance of an exhaustive appraisal of the damage before rebuilding. 

Many caregivers painfully discover that the journey doesn’t end at the cemetery. In some instances, the aftereffects of caregiving can last a lifetime. All too many caregivers can attest to the lasting impact of caring for an impaired loved one, and more studies are needed to show the PTSD statistics of family caregivers, 

Trained professionals along with loving family and friends can help caregivers navigate a path to healing. However, the first step always involves thoroughly inspecting – and respecting – the trauma.

 We’ve got to rebuild human hearts – and persuade people that hope isn’t just possible, but essential. – Tony Snow

 

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After a recent program, a friend asked me to delve into the subject of caregivers, anger, and lashing out. 

Given the recent incident at the Academy Awards with Will Smith striking out at Chris Rock, the timing for this topic seemed appropriate.

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The morning of Gracie's recent surgery in Denver, I called a Lyft ride (like I've done for years!). We'd had a lot of snow and ice, and I opened the door to the car - only to have part of the trim that was frozen to the car come off. I picked it up and put it in the car- and then he took me to the hospital where Gracie was already being prepped for surgery. 

Later that afternoon, I got a message on my phone about that incident.  I couldn't believe what Lyft did - and I'm just posting this as a "Buyer Beware" message. 

One of the most recognizable individuals in the entertainment industry, William Lee Golden (of the Oak Ridge Boys) had a conversation with me about his music, life, and new book: BEHIND THE BEARD.

In addition to all the challenges of caregiving, many family caregivers struggle under the additional burden of being treated poorly.  From accusations of stealing to abuse, the heartache of poor treatment wears down the already burdened hearts of countless caregivers.  Maybe it's narcotics or dementia. Sometimes it's sundowners. Sometimes, they're just mean. 

Sadly, the isolation of caregiving keeps this issue in the dark, and abused caregivers may feel they're all alone in this. 

We talked about this on the show, and let callers share their stories.

www.hopeforthecaregiver.com 

When we started HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER many years ago, we wanted to provide a place where caregivers felt they could share painful things in a safe place and receive clear and helpful feedback. This caller admitted something during the call that he hadn't admitted before:  He's angry with his wife for her years of smoking that have now robbed them both of a better quality of life. 

I value the trust caregivers place in me and the confidence they feel to share their hearts on the show.