Episodes
Saturday Jul 02, 2022
Governor Martin Schreiber and Caring For His Wife Elaine Through Alzheimer’s
Saturday Jul 02, 2022
Saturday Jul 02, 2022
Former governor of Wisconsin Marty Schreiber watched his beloved wife, Elaine, gradually transform from the woman who had gracefully entertained in the Executive Residence to one who no longer recognized him as her husband.
In My Two Elaines: Learning, Coping, and Surviving as an Alzheimer’s Caregiver, Marty candidly counsels those taking on this caregiving role. More than an account of Marty’s struggles in caring for his wife, My Two Elaines also offers sage advice that respects the one with Alzheimer’s while maintaining the caregiver’s health. As two-thirds of those with Alzheimer’s are women, he offers special guidance for men thrust into an unexpected job. With patience, adaptability, and even a sense of humor, Marty shows how love continues for his Second Elaine. https://mytwoelaines.com/
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Tuesday Mar 29, 2022
Caregivers and Geriatric Services
Tuesday Mar 29, 2022
Tuesday Mar 29, 2022
Needing a Care Manager's support to navigate the healthcare system? Worried about your loved one’s health and well-being?
Concerned about managing the right type of care?
Jodi Kay Benusco calls the program and shares insights gleaned from years as a Social Worker and seasoned Inpatient Discharge Planner at a Level II inpatient hospital.
Wednesday Jan 19, 2022
The Promise
Wednesday Jan 19, 2022
Wednesday Jan 19, 2022
Many caregivers struggle with decades-old promises to make sure to “…never put Mom in a nursing home.”
When making that promise, most recall healthier times where the thought of going into a facility seemed far in the horizon. Reality sneaks up on the best of us, and we find ourselves faced with uncomfortable circumstances. The tether of the promise can quickly transform to a noose around the neck of a family caregiver unable to meet the demands of a horrific condition. From personal safety to medical expertise, caregivers easily find themselves outmatched by an affliction – and overpowered by guilt.
Despite the promise’s sincerity, its roots often stem from ignorance about the peripheral havoc disease and injury can cause. Disparity and unsustainability quickly appear when a caregiver demands of herself - what an entire paid staff of people in a memory care facility accomplish. The promise must face honest scrutiny to reflect the commitment to caring for a loved one to the best one can. When demands exceed ability, changes must occur - and help enlisted.
The challenge for caregivers is to seek counsel from objective, experienced, and trained individuals to regularly evaluate conditions and possible paths.
As we promise to care, let us also commit to caring well.
“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” - Dolly Parton
Thursday Jan 06, 2022
Avoiding Death Is Not The Same As Living
Thursday Jan 06, 2022
Thursday Jan 06, 2022
Risk Is A Part of Life, But Joy Is a Choice
“Happy New Year” can often feel perfunctory and even meaningless in the caregiving world. Most of us know that January 1, 2, 3, etc., usually brings the same challenges of the previous week – and even year (s).
Yet, although our responsibilities may not change, we can.
While many fall into the trap of ambitious but unrealistic New Year’s Resolutions (I usually give mine up for Lent), caregivers can instead determine to live rather than just survive.
Living, however, requires risks. Life is perilous - despite our culture obstinately working to mitigate all risks (thank the lawyers for that). Isolating to avoid disease, injury, rejection, or failure is no way to live. Nor is avoiding death the same as living.
From gardening to music, anything that involves life, art, and creativity comes with the risk of failure. As do relationships, business ventures …and caregiving.
This year, I intend to push myself to learn, try, accomplish- and even fail - new things. History teaches that risks and heartache remain unavoidable, but joy is a choice.
“It ain’t dying I’m talking about, it’s living. I doubt it matters where you die, but it matters where you live.” - Augustus McCrae ― from Lonesome Dove (Larry McMurtry)
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Wednesday Nov 24, 2021
There Used To Be M & M‘s
Wednesday Nov 24, 2021
Wednesday Nov 24, 2021
For as long as I can remember, when my father arrived home from reserve duty in the military, he brought each of my brothers and my sister a pack of M & M’s. Extending past his service as a naval officer, he and my mother continued the tradition when we returned from college. Each time we showed up with our luggage (sometimes filled with dirty laundry), we’d walk into our rooms to find a bag of M&M’s waiting on the pillow.
When they moved from the house where they raised five sons and a daughter, their new home carried the custom. Bringing our spouses, then children, and now even our grandchildren, the familiar brown-bagged treats (sometimes the yellow bags of peanut M&M’s) from my parents awaited every family member.
Except for this year.
Nearly succumbing to congestive heart failure, my mother endured a dramatic and challenging year—as did my father. A US Naval officer and pastor for almost 60 years, my father stepped into the role of caregiver for the first time, and I watched the process take a toll on him.
It felt odd. While I’ve cared for my wife with severe disabilities for more than 35 years, I’ve never seen my dad in this role. I found myself placing a hand on his shoulder, much like he did for me many times following my wife’s now eighty-plus operations. He sat with me in countless ICUs, hospital rooms, and waiting rooms. Now I sat with him.
His seasoned faith remains intact and strong, yet he struggled to wrap his mind around the relentless assault of continued medical setbacks. With the same gentleness and encouragement he offered to me over decades of caregiving, I returned the favor.
I’ve often heard that “…There’s no pain like watching your children hurt.”
Watching your parents hurt must run a close second.
With a herculean effort by medical staff, along with my mother’s grit, she pulled through. While not where she’d like to be, she’s further than most expected. After a couple of months away, we returned to their home for the Thanksgiving holidays. They look tired, older, but optimistic. The family pulled together, and the house looks great. The only significant difference I noticed was an oxygen tank in their bedroom.
For the first time in my memory, however, no M & M’s waited on the pillows. The absence of those treats indicates a passage and a farewell to parts of who they used to be. Their home stands in a heavily wooded area of upstate South Carolina. As we prepare for Thanksgiving, the trees surrounding their home continue shedding an entire color palate of leaves. The loveliness of autumn is a sad one that brushes hearts the same way the wind grazes branches.
So it is when watching those who loomed large in our lives diminish in vigor, but not in beauty. As many will attest, it’s the shedding of small things—the wisps of everyday things taken for granted—that often bring a tear.
During holidays, deep feelings seem to rise to the surface faster than other times. For many Americans, Thanksgiving marks the beginning of a difficult season of slow goodbyes, bittersweet celebrations, and, for some, the ache of absence.
Yet, not all is sorrow. Slowing our lifestyles to the pace of our hearts, we can cling to each other a bit tighter. After dinner, we can pause a little longer at the table—or sit quietly for an extra couple of minutes with those we love. If a chair is empty, we can choose to fill that seat with cherished memories.
Families across our country feel this kind of heartache— one so deeply connected to caregiving. Helping those caregivers is no easy task. Yet, that help remains critical to not only the caregiver but also their loved one. Part of that help is assisting caregivers in grieving without them sinking into despair. Doing so always involves redirecting our gaze to gratitude.
The treats I’ve enjoyed for a lifetime no longer await me, but the loving hands that placed them are still here to hold. Placing that candy on their pillows instead, I now possess a greater understanding of the joy they both shared—for a lifetime.
This Thanksgiving, I discovered gratitude can be found in something as simple as a bag of M & M’s.
Grief is the price we pay for love. Queen Elizabeth II
Friday Nov 12, 2021
Her Happiness is Not Your Responsibility
Friday Nov 12, 2021
Friday Nov 12, 2021
"My 93-year-old mother doesn’t suffer from dementia but is so mean to me. How do I make her happy while caring for her? I’ve been sober for 6 years, and she makes me want to start drinking again."
Terri in Texas called the radio program with an all too common problem: "How do I make her happy?"
Answering Terri on the air, I shared that, "Your responsibility is not to make your mother happy, but to work your sobriety program. Your mother can get happy in the same shoes she gets mad in! Your responsibility is to call your sponsor and continue staying sober. If you lose your sobriety, your mother gets a drunk caregiver and that will make all of it worse. Call your sponsor and go to a meeting."
"Strength of mind rests in sobriety; for this keeps your reason unclouded by passion.." - Pythagoras
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Thursday Oct 28, 2021
Medicine and Ministry - The New Program At CIU
Thursday Oct 28, 2021
Thursday Oct 28, 2021
Dr. Jill McElhenny of Columbia International University (www.CIU.edu) discussed the new Bachelor of Nursing program. A practicing nurse for nearly a quarter of a century, Dr. McElhenny brings her vast experience and training to lead this program for CIU.
CIU Associate Provost Dr. Brian Simmons says, "...McElheny is a perfect fit for CIU's Christian mission and core values."
Echoing the strong ministry emphasis, Dr. McElhenny stated that she considers nursing "a sacred calling."
With the program available online to qualified candidates, it represents a substantial opportunity for those RN's desiring to obtain their Bachelor's, and it further CIU "s strong mission's emphasis of "To Know Him and Make Him Known."
For more information visit, https://ciu.edu/online-degrees/undergraduate/bachelor-science/nursing-rn-bsn